Jack here, back to once again provide my unsolicited comments on the world around us.

David Letterman is a man of many talents: comedian, broadcaster, curator of stupid pet tricks (okay, maybe just three talents so far…). Could he also be harboring a secret life as a multi-instrumentalist?

If I had to guess, I would say probably not. It appears that 30+ years of sharing the stage with Paul Shaffer has not bestowed him with musical ability.

It was smart on Lizzo’s part to let him borrow a flute “that’s not so expensive”, lest he be tempted to throw it off the top of a building or at a velcro wall for comedic effect.

So maybe playing a musical instrument isn’t in the cards. But what about singing?

Well, that answers that question. A good thing, too: Letterman’s constant refrain of “I’m Ugly” would seem out of place in Lizzo’s empowering discography.

Needless to say, we won’t find any Letterman collabs on any upcoming Lizzo releases (or any other musical artist, for that matter). Maybe she’d have better luck with James Corden (so long as she’s fine recording in a car).

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